Hypnotherapy and NLP in Anger Management

We all “lose it” at times but uncontrolled anger can be aggressive, causing violence, destructive behavior and affect our relationships.

Anger is a primary, negative emotion, one of the base emotions which we probably all feel at some point in our lives. Sometimes it is an understandable response to an event whilst at other times it is an exaggerated response, totally out of proportion to the cause. Any form of behavior, good or bad, is learned from others during our formative years, particularly the imprint period from 0-7 years. All of our values, beliefs and behaviours are learned during this important time, hence the Jesuit saying, “Give me a seven year old boy and I will show you the man”.

In a state of anger, the person may be impatient, aggressive and hostile. It is always a self-centred behavior displayed without thought of the impact on others. It may be verbal, physical or both. Anger as a behavior can be deeply buried causing the person to feel self-hate and depression, even suicidal if they feel that they are a bad person, a negative part of society.

Physically, the body reacts in anger with an increased respiratory rate, pulse rate and sends blood to the muscles that cause the bones to move, hence the sometimes involuntary assaults. It constricts the pupils of the eyes and pumps hormones from the adrenal gland, causing stress rashes, high blood pressure and other stress induced disorders. The person may be a typical "Type A" aggressive personality.
The best way to manage anger is to recognize and deal with it in a positive way, starting with taking responsibility for the negative behavior, negotiating, taking time out, hitting a punch bag or pillow if necessary. That is much better than shouting at the kids, kicking the cat or taking a swipe at your wife. Alcohol may seem to help by numbing reaction but that is only masking the problem and continued use for coping will just lead to an alcohol dependency problem, making the anger and aggression far worse.

The angry person may believe that their behavior is justified and appropriate. Everyone else is at fault. They will relive the moment over and over, telling you with drama why the other party victimized them, went out of their way to make life difficult. Such beliefs can lead to paranoia that others are deliberately “out to get them”.

Different therapies have different approaches including recognizing how anger is used as an ego defence mechanism, one of several identified by Freud; finding ways to avoid people and situations which are making the person angry; develop communication skills or find and correct distorted ideas about life and others.

Hypnotherapy and NLP can help someone suffering needing anger management

Firstly, the person must be aware of the distinction between cause and effect. Is he the cause of the problem or the receiver and therefore the effect? Is he the aggressor or the victim? Can he react in a different way so that the aggressor’s hostile behavior is diffused, leaving no call for an angry reaction?

If the root of the anger is someone else’s behavior in the past, particularly neglect, mis-treatment, abuse, violence or sexual abuse, can the person find forgiveness? Oprah Winfrey reported that she was molested by her cousin, her uncle and a family friend, starting when she was nine years old. Such a history could have caused her to display a victim personality, blaming her past for her failure. Instead Oprah’s positive role models in her life encouraged her to take a different path and she is now the “effect” in millions of people’s lives around the world. Healing through forgiveness, even prayer, may take time but will be life-changing.

So for some people seeking anger management, finding forgiveness may be necessary.

For others, regression under hypnosis to find the root cause may help to release negative emotion. It may be a traumatic event which is consciously remembered or not or it could be living in a family where anger was frequently displayed, whether against the child or not. Children learn by example so may have modelled inappropriate behaviour.

The person may feel there is something they cannot communicate which is causing frustration. This frustration may have been building for years. Use of the Gestalt “Empty Chair” method involves imagining a third party sitting on a chair and telling them what has been pent up for years. This can be done under hypnotic trance, in an associated or disassociated way, to release years of frustration. Direct suggestion under hypnosis of reacting to trigger situations in a more appropriate, non-aggressive way can help. A professional script for hypnotherapists treating anger is available.

NLP can be applied using parts therapy, asking one part of the person to help the other part of the person to react in a more appropriate way. Or changing the behaviour using the Swish technique.

Ericksonian Hypnosis would offer indirect suggestions and tell appropriate metaphors such as the one on page 85 of Hypnotherapy Scripts: A Neo-Ericksonian Approach to Persuasive Healing about a car which has been damaged.

There are different approaches to treating anger which do not have to be traumatic, bringing the old negative feelings to the fore. Everyone is different, of course, so requires different personalized approaches. However, inappropriate anger can be released and make a huge difference to your daily behaviour. It is certainly worthwhile finding a competent hypnotherapist to help you with the healing.

A general download hypnosis mp3 for anger management is available.

© Antonia Harrison 2009 is the English Hypnotherapist & NLP Practitioner in Belgium and recommends Download Hypnosis Mp3 for immediate, affordable hypnosis Mp3s to improve your life.

Solving a Case of Sleep-eating with Hypnotic Regression

"The Covert Consumer in the Midnight Kitchen" By Rob Hadley

In hypnotherapy we hear many times of the careless act that leaves a child scared for life. An unjustified scolding, or a bullying episode that a parent never learned of finds its way deep into a child's memory, only to surface many years later as a trigger for later anxiety. And yet, from time to time we see this flow from one generation to another move the other way. This was one such situation.

My client was a gentleman who was successful at the highest levels in the performing arts. His high profile, abundance of talent and ability to bring joy to so many contribute to what appears a happy and successful life. However, like so many of us, he also has a secret habit he feels ashamed of and embarrassed about, which he hides from even his closest friends.

Many mornings when he gets up, he comes into the kitchen to find remnants of food. These are often leftovers of the most elaborate dishes, always prepared for one. He has no memory whatsoever of any visitor, or providing any such meal. It is just as though someone has come into the house, feasted plentifully and then left without clearing anything away. This sometimes happens twice a week.

My client knows it is impossible that anyone could be getting into his house. This is not an isolated incident, it has happened periodically over many years, sometimes lasting months with a frequency of about twice a week. At times it fades for a few weeks, only to start happening again. As disturbing as the situation has become, my client has known for a long time there is only one explanation for the situation. It is he himself that is enjoying this feast, though he has absolutely no memory of it whatsoever. He even went to the extreme of weighing himself before sleeping and on waking up to look for weight shifts.

He came to me when he found there was really no credible solution to this habit. On my suggestion he went back and plotted the last few incidents and we looked at the results. While there was no particularly obvious cause for the night eating episodes, it was evident that they would often take place on Fridays or Saturdays. At first I thought we were looking for something he did himself at weekends, that would trigger the resulting action.

It was evident that the sources of stress in my client's life had increased significantly in recent years. Although he hed raised a daughter alone, he had had a life relatively free from tension up until the teen years of one of his daughters who had acted out quite severely in her teens, until finding her path. She is now an acclaimed singer in her own right. She did however provide a good deal of grief, particularly as a fifteen year old.

It turned out that when in hypnotic regression my client revealed his deep seated fears about his daughter during her teen years. She would go out at weekends, sometimes with men her father resented and distrusted. The fifteen year old would stay out till all hours of the night, sometimes returning drunk. For a father raising his daughter alone this was deeply upsetting. His daughter was reacting against her only parent, a father who loved her dearly.

Although his daughter came through this period relatively unharmed, her father would wait up many nights generally at weekends, waiting for her to arrive home. He would wait up in the kitchen, sometimes preparing the most elaborate dishes. He found this kept him awake and took his mind off whatever was happening to his daughter. In hypnosis it became evident that the later feelings of insecurity and anxiety were triggering a repeat of these lonely nightly vigils. It was a behavior that had served him well in the past. His mind simply decided to re-enact the same activity to deal with the new and unrelated stresses of his life. He was quite literally still sitting up at night waiting for his teenage daughter to come safely home. The fact that she has been married for the last twenty years to a loving husband in California was something his subconscious mind had conveniently overlooked in its desire to find a coping tool for stress.

Once identified this was a simple situation to remedy and my client left feeling greatly relieved and three months later has not had a single instance of night eating since. He was able to chat with his daughter about the situation and laugh about it how it had affected him for all these years. His daughter, incidentally now has three daughters of her own, just entering their teenage years.

Rob Hadley at www.vancouverhypnotherapy.org

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